Plot summary

Sid Carter (Sid James) is the cunning head of a criminal gang that includes the long-haired drip Ernie Bragg (Bernard Bresslaw), the cheeky Freddy (Bill Maynard) and Sid's honest son, Cyril (Kenneth Cope), who does not want to live a life of crime but is emotionally blackmailed by his father into going along with his scheme to rob Finisham Maternity Hospital for its stock of contraceptive pills.Cyril reluctantly disguises himself as a new nurse to case the hospital and the booty, however he is assumed to be one of a batch of new student nurses who have just arrived, and is assigned the same room as the shapely, blonde nurse, Susan Ball (Barbara Windsor). Unfortunately for Cyril, he also catches the eye of the hospital Lothario, Dr. Prodd (Terry Scott.). Dr Prodd is infamous for ogling the student nurses & is under constant watch from the matron who wants to save the nurses from Dr Prodd's unwanted advances.Sir Bernard Cutting (Kenneth Williams), the hypochondriac registrar of the hospital, is convinced he's undergoing a sex change, however when he consults the nutty Dr F.A. Goode (Charles Hawtrey), Goode dishes out psychiatric Mumbo Jumbo, stating that Cutting merely wants to prove his manhood, and Cutting realizes he is in love with Matron (Hattie Jacques). Matron, on the other hand, has more than enough to contend with on the wards, with the gluttonous Mrs Tidey (Joan Sims) who seems more interested in eating than producing a baby and her long-suffering British Rail worker husband (Kenneth Connor) who continually hangs around the waiting room. When Cyril goes back to Prodd's room to get a map of the hospital, Prodd attempts to get intimate, only to be knocked across the room. Prodd and Cyril are called out on an emergency when lovely film star Jane Darling (Valerie Leon) begins to have her baby, but as Cyril knocks Prodd out in the ambulance, he is forced to deal with the actress's triplets being born. However, Jane Darling is delighted with Cyril, and hails "the nurse" a heroine for her efforts, bringing fame to the hospital. However, Susan uncovers Cyril's disguise, but as she is in love with him, she does not reveal the truth.Bernard tries to "prove his manhood" by having sex with Matron, but she refuses unless Bernard proposes marriage, which Bernard is unwilling to do. Bernard finds Dr Goode hiding inside the Matron's cupboard. Dr Goode & Matron had a weekly appointment to watch a TV serial together in her room, & Matron had hidden Dr Goode, when she heard Dr Bernard coming to her room. Dr Bernard naturally believed that Matron had refused him as she was having an affair with Goode. Cyril manages to get hold of the plans to the hospital & passes them on to Sid. Sid figures out that the pills are in the basement of the hospital and that the only way to get into the basement is via the front door.Sid finds Cyril's pictures in the papers (being described as a hero) & decides to visit him in the hospital. Cyril tells Sid that Susan knows all about their plan & Sid decides to execute the plan the same evening. Sid is chased around the hospital by Matron, who thinks Sid has attempted to force himself upon nurse Cyril.The Sister (Jacki Piper) desperately tries to keep the ward in order, while Cutting's secretary, Miss Banks (Patsy Rowlands) keeps her employer in check, but nothing can cool his pent-up desire to prove himself as a man, and it's Matron who's in his sights. The criminal gang don disguises - Sid dresses as the foreign "Dr Zhivago" and Ernie as a heavily expectant mum. They enter the hospital citing an emergency delivery. Sid & Freddy have to enter the Matron's room to retrieve the keys to the basement medical store. But they are found by Dr Bernard, who again thinks that Matron is having an affair & is a sex fiend. The Matron convinces Dr Bernard that the men are suspicious & orders the doors to the hospital locked. Sid & co have stolen the pills, but can't escape.The medical hierarchy's threat to call the police is halted when Sid reveals the heroine of the day is a man, and the hospital realize they would suffer nationwide humiliation if anyone found out. Cyril weds his shapely nurse, Susan and Matron finally gets her doctor.